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January 20, 2012

The Virtues and Rights of Marriage

1. It is mentioned in a Hadith that this world has been created to be utilised and that of all the things that are utilised in this world, there is nothing better than a pious woman. In other words, if a person is fortunate enough to get a pious wife, it will be a great blessing. It is also a mercy from Allah Ta'ala that she is actually a comfort for the husband and a means for his success in this world and in the hereafter. A person enjoys comfort from such a woman for his worldly needs and she also assists him in fulfilling his religious duties.

2. It is mentioned in a Hadith that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said : "Marriage is my way and my sunnah." "The one who does not act upon my sunnah is not of me." That is, there is no relationship between him and me. This is actually a warning and a threat to the one who does not practice on the sunnah and a mention of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam anger on such a person. It is therefore necessary to be extremely cautious in this regard. Furthermore, how can a Muslim bear to have Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam displeased with him for even a moment. May Allah Ta'ala grant us death before that day comes when a Muslim is able to bear the displeasure of Allah and His Rasul sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

It is mentioned in a Hadith that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said: "Marry so that I can be proud (of your numbers) on the day of judgement over the other nations." In other words, Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam likes his ’ummah to be in large numbers and more than the other nations. If this happens, his ummah will be carrying out more good deeds, and in so doing he will receive more rewards and gain closer proximity to Allah Ta'ala. This is because whoever from his ummah does good deeds, does so through his teachings. Therefore, the more people who act on his teachings, the more reward he will receive for conveying those teachings. We also learn from this that whenever and however possible, we should undertake to carry out those tasks and actions that will take us closer to Allah Ta'ala, and that we should not display any laziness in this regard.

It is mentioned in a Hadith that on the day of judgement the people will be standing in 120 lines. Out of these, 40 lines of people will be from the other nations while 80 lines of people will be from the ummah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Glory be to Allah! How beloved Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is to Him.

The one who is able to (fulfil the rights of a wife) should marry. As for the one who does not have sufficient wealth (to fulfil the rights of a wife), he should fast. That is, he should fast so that there will be a decrease in his desires. Fasting is actually a means of curbing his desires. If a person does not have a very dire need for women, and instead has an average need, and he is able to pay for her necessities, then nikah is sunnat-e-mu’akkadah for such a person. As for the person who has a very urgent need, nikah will be fard upon him. This is because there is a fear that he will commit adultery and thereby get the sin of committing a haram act. If a person has a very urgent need but is financially incapable of maintaining a wife, then such a person must fast abundantly. Later, when he has sufficient funds to maintain a wife, he must get married.

3. It is mentioned in a Hadith that children are the flowers of jannah. This means that the amount of joy and happiness one will experience on seeing the flowers of paradise, that same amount of joy and happiness is experienced when he looks at his children. And we know fully well that children can only be obtained through marriage.

4. It is mentioned in a Hadith that when the status of a person is increased in jannah, he asks out of wonder: "How did I receive all this?" (That is, "How did I receive such a high status when I hadn't carried out so many good deeds to deserve such a status?") It will be said to this person that this high status is on account of your children asking for forgiveness on your behalf. In other words, your children had asked for forgiveness on your behalf. In return for that, you have been accorded this status.

5. It is mentioned that the child who is born out of a miscarriage (i.e. it is born before the due date) will "fight"(wrangle) with its Creator when its parents are entered into jahannam. In other words, this child will go to extremes in interceding on behalf of its parents and will ask Allah Ta'ala to remove its parents from jahannam. Through His bounty, Allah Ta'ala will accept the intercession of this child and He will be soft and lenient towards it. It will be said to this child: "O siqt (which means, miscarried foetus) who is quarrelling with its Lord! Enter your parents into jannah." So this child will draw its parents out of jahannam with its navel cord and enter both of them into jannah. We learn from this, that children of this sort, who are actually a by-product of marriage, will also be of help in the hereafter.

6. It is mentioned in a Hadith that when the husband and wife look at each other (with love), Allah Ta'ala looks at both of them with mercy.

7. It is mentioned in a Hadith that Allah Ta'ala has taken it upon Himself (i.e. out of His mercy, He as taken the responsibility) of helping the person who gets married in order to attain purity from that which Allah has made haram. In other words, the person who marries in order to save himself from adultery with the intention of obeying Allah Ta'ala, Allah will help and assist him in his expenses and other affairs.

8. It is mentioned in a Hadith that two rak‘ats of salat performed by a married person is better than 82 rak‘ats performed by an unmarried person. In another Hadith, 70 rak‘ats have been mentioned instead of 82 rak‘ats. It is possible that this means that 70 rak‘ats are written in favour of the person who fulfils the necessary rights of his wife and family, and that 82 rak‘ats are in favour of the person who apart from fulfilling their necessary rights, serves them more with his life, wealth and good habits.

9. It is mentioned in a Hadith that it is a major sin for a person to be neglectful with regard to those whom he is responsible for (and to have shortcomings in fulfilling their needs).

10. It is mentioned in a Hadith that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said: "I have not left behind any test and tribulation on men more harmful than women." In other words, of all the things that are harmful for men, women are the most harmful. This is because, out of his love for a woman, a man loses all his senses, so much so that he does not even take the commands and orders of Allah Ta'ala into consideration. Therefore, a person must not fall in love with a woman in such a way that he has to act contrary to the Shari‘ah. For example, her demands for her food and clothing are more than what the husband can afford. In such circumstances, never accept any bribes in order to supplement your present income. Instead, give her from the halal earnings, which Allah Ta'ala has blessed you. You should continue teaching your womenfolk and inculcate respect and good manners in them. Do not allow them to become impudent and disrespectful. The intellect of women is deficient; it is therefore incumbent to take special measures in reforming them.

11. It is mentioned in a Hadith that you should not propose to a girl when your fellow Muslim brother has already proposed to her until he gets married or gives up this proposal. In other words, when a person has sent a proposal to a particular family and there is a likelihood of their replying in the affirmative, another person should not send a proposal to that same family. However, if they reject this first person, or he himself changes his mind, or they are not too happy with him and are still hesitant in giving a reply, it will be permissible for another person to send a proposal for the same girl.

The same rule applies to the transactions of buying and selling. That is, if a person is busy buying or selling something, then as long as they do not separate or abandon the transaction, another person should not enter into their transaction and should not offer a price above or below that which has been already offered when there is an indication that they are about to come to an agreement. Understand this well, and know that a kafir is also included in this rule.

12. It is mentioned in a Hadith that a woman is either married because of her Din, her wealth or her beauty. Choose the one with Din, may your hands become dusty. In other words, a man may prefer a woman who is religiously inclined. While another may prefer one who is wealthy. While yet another may prefer one who is beautiful. However, Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says that one should choose a religiously inclined woman and that it is preferable to marry such a woman. However, if the circumstances are such that a woman is very pious but at the same time she is so ugly that one's nature does not find her acceptable and there is a fear that if he marries such a woman there will be no mutual understanding between them, and that he will be neglectful in fulfilling her rights, then in such a case he should not marry such a woman. "May your hands become dusty" is an Arabic mode of expression, which is used on different occasions. In this context, it is meant to create a yearning and a desire for a pious woman.

13. It is mentioned in a Hadith that the best wife is one whose mahr is very simple. That is, it is very easy for the man to fulfil her mahr. These days, there is the habit of specifying a very high mahr. People should abstain from this.

14. It is mentioned in a Hadith that you should look for a good place for your sperms because a woman gives birth to children that resemble her brothers and sisters. In other words, marry a woman who comes from a pious and noble family because the children generally resemble the maternal relations. Although the father also has some influence over the child's resemblance, we learn from this Hadith that the mother's influence is greater. If the wife is from a disreputable and irreligious family, the children who will be born will be similar to that family. But if this is not so, then the children who will be born will be pious and religious.

15. It is mentioned in a Hadith that the greatest right that a woman has to fulfil is to her husband, and that the greatest right that he has to fulfil is to his mother. In other words, after the rights of Allah and His Rasul sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the woman has a very great right to fulfil to her husband, so much so that the husband's rights supersede the rights of her parents. As for the man, after the rights of Allah and His Rasul sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the greatest right that he has to fulfil is to his mother. We learn from this that the right of the mother supersedes that of the father.

16. It is mentioned in a Hadith that if anyone of you wishes to engage in sexual intercourse with his wife, he should recite du‘a.

The virtue of du‘a is that if a child is conceived through this intercourse, shaytan will not be able to harm this child in any way.

17. There is a lengthy Hadith in which Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam addressed Abdur Rahman bin Auf radiyallahu anhu asking him to have a walimah even if it is with one sheep. In other words, even if you possess very little, you should spend. It is preferable to have the walimah after engaging in sexual intercourse with one's bride. However, many ulama have permitted it immediately after the nikah as well. It is mustahab to have a walimah.

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